HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
