Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
