I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
