i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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