Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
