my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
