Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
