You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
