Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
