I can text with my tongue
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
