He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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