omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
