he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
