If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
