But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
