Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
