I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
