What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
