The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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