I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
