I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
