I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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