I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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