I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
