he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
