this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
