Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
