no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
