If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
