Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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