I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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