If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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