she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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