john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
