the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
