She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
