So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ladies don't puke and tell
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
