I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
