you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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