my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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