having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
