I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
