No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
