What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
