i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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