this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
