Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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