How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
