Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
