i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
