I wannas sexs uuuuu
This girl is more easily done than said...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
