are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
