he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
