I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
