Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
